Advice To A Child Upon Her Graduation. Plus, Summer Pasta

The Child graduates tomorrow. Specifically, this child:

She was born two weeks late, big blue eyes wide open. She had a full mop of black hair that she never lost, and from the moment she was born I was utterly in love. I  had no idea.

She is a badass, a sensitive soul with an iron will. She is funny and gorgeous and loving and kind and sometimes a total PITA.

She procrastinates like her mother and is stubborn like her father. She is loyal and compassionate and a very good friend to her friends.

She loved her father and was devoted to him. This is the first major milestone he will miss, and I can’t say too much about that because it’s too hard already and I have to finish this very important post.

Sicily and I have been joking about it, though, saying she is a first-generation high school graduate, which is technically true because both her father and I could not quite make it across the stage. This ridiculous joke lightens things up a bit.

Because this child loves to laugh. She is a joyful human being.

So on this, the week of her high school graduation, I have compiled some advice. Sicily and I have an odd relationship in that when I offer her advice, sometimes she takes it.

Shocking, but true. #SmartGirl

I don’t expect this trend to continue; I fully expect her to blaze a path of her own mistakes, hopefully learning as she goes.

Some of this advice is practical; some is philosophical.

(side note: much of this applies to adults who have been out of high school for a long time. #TheMoreYouKnow)

Like to hear it? Here it go. 

Take up space

You deserve to be here. Don’t hide your light under a bushel. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. You have been humble about your achievements, quietly going about building a tiny house, giving two TEDTalks, and living abroad in your junior year. These are the experiences that make you who you are. Own them.

Also, own your shit.

You will mess many, many things up for the whole of your life. Take responsibility. Don’t make excuses about why you fucked it up – apologize, see if you can make it right, do what you can, and try hard not to make the same mistake again. Be humble and truly apologetic, then make amends and move on.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable

You have already experienced breathtaking, devastating pain with the death of your father. It will not be the last time. This is just how things go in this one life we know about. It is a raging cliché to say that the pain is worth it, but my goodness. It totally is. Show your true self to the people who deserve to see it to get at the equally achingly beautiful parts of life.

Work hard

It’s not enough to envision your life. Go get it. Work for what you want. Yeah, sometimes it’s nice to get things handed to you, but there is value in hard, effort-filled, productive work. One of the best times of my life was working for a tree service in Colorado in August. I spent eight hours a day in 95+-degree weather, bucking downed trees and shoving them into the chipper. Every day I left the job with a salt ring at my hairline, and every night I left the bathtub with a dirt ring around the rim. Some days you have to put your head down and do it. Be grateful in your work – that you have it, and that you have the body and will to do it.

Design your own life

There is no rule that you have to buy a house, get married, have a dog, have babies, keep a full-time office job. This fits for a lot of people, but it’s not the law. You do not have to squeeze yourself into anyone’s idea of your life, not even mine. Life is crazy in that you have all the time in the world and none at all, concurrently, so make every effort to figure out what it is you want this journey to be like, then move towards that as you can. It will probably not be a straight line, and it certainly won’t be easy, but it will, in the end, be all yours. Enjoy the search – the terror, the joy, the struggle, the triumph, the failure – just as much as the finding.

Brush your goddamn teeth.

You will regret it if you don’t.

Know your worth

You deserve people who appreciate you and understand your value. I know you have that little voice in your head that sometimes says you aren’t worth it or you’re not good enough or who cares what you think. That voice has no idea what it’s talking about. Remind it, and yourself, that you are worthy, as many times as you need to, to get that voice to STFU.

Always have some cash

Speaking of worth, make sure you always have a little cash. It needn’t be much. Twenty bucks in various bills is usually good for most anything – tipping, helping someone out, getting yourself out of a place you don’t want to be, buying a meal for someone who needs it, buying a cup of lemonade from a sidewalk stand.

ALWAYS buy a cup of lemonade from a sidewalk stand

No matter how much it costs.

Get sweaty every day

I can’t believe I actually agree with Matthew McConaughey. He advocates breaking a sweat every day. Not a nervous poodle type of way, but as a move-your-body-daily type of way. This is rock solid advice from someone who may be a little more than slightly off his rocker (#Shirtless Bongos). Exercise also falls into the excellent advice provided by another slightly crazy creative person:

“The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea. – Isak Dinesen”

Movement helps nearly everything that hurts.

Don’t be The Giving Tree

You know that book about the tree that gives everything to that selfish little boy who just takes and takes and never gives anything back? Yeah, don’t be that tree. That tree is loving and gives every scrap of itself to a person who has no respect and no boundaries for the tree and its basic needs for survival. Every time I read it I keep hoping in the end that the little boy/old man has some revelation about what a selfish jackass he has been, but it never happens. Giving selflessly is a beautiful thing – giving foolishly is not. Learn the difference.

Stay in touch with the people you love, even if they don’t stay in touch with you

Letters are a lost art. Send one every now and then, even if you know you won’t get one in return. Get a small pack of blank notes, and send one out to someone when the urge strikes. You would be surprised at how good this makes people feel.

Send thank you notes

Even to people who interview you for a job. Really. Take five minutes to acknowledge a gift, a small effort, someone’s time. Emails and texts don’t cut it. Just use the blank cards you bought and be sincere. We don’t express gratitude nearly enough. Make this the hill you die on – being grateful.

Have one impressive meal you can serve in a pinch

Well, it is a food blog, after all, so there has to be at least one food-related piece of advice. Feeding people should not be crazy-making. Sometimes you want to make something effortless that every single person will love, something that is so delicious that people request it when they visit. This week Aunt Karlene is in town for graduation, and she has requested “that tomato pasta” for the night they arrive.

I wish this was my recipe, but it totally is not. “That tomato pasta” comes from the original Silver Palate Cookbook, and it is my rock-solid, company’s-coming summer go-to. You mix basil, brie, olive oil, and tomatoes in a big serving bowl in the morning, and then when it’s dinner time you boil up a mess of linguine and mix them in with the basil, brie, olive oil, and tomatoes. The cheese melts, the tomatoes warm, and the basil releases its beautiful fragrance over the whole table. I use gluten-free noodles for myself, and if I am feeling ambitious I might make a gluten-free baguette. Add a huge green salad and dinner is served.

My sweetest girl, on this Monday before you move into the next phase of life: I love you. I am proud of you. Congratulations.

Linguine With Tomatoes And Basil

Ingredients
4 large ripe tomatoes, cut into 1/2 inch cubes
1 pound Brie, rind removed, torn into irregular pieces
1 cup fresh basil leaves, rinsed, patted dry, and cut into strips
3 garlic cloves, peeled and finely minced
1 cup plus 1 tablespoon best-quality olive oil
1/2 teaspoon salt, plus additional to taste
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 1/2 pounds linguine

Method
1. At least 2 hours before serving, combine the tomatoes, Brie, basil, garlic, the 1 cup olive oil, and 1/2 teaspoon each salt and pepper in a large bowl.
2. Bring 6 quarts salted water to a boil in a large pot. Add 1 tablespoon olive oil and the linguine, and boil until tender but still firm, 8-10 minutes.
3. Drain the pasta and immediately toss with the tomato sauce. Serve at once, passing the pepper mill, and the grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese if you like.

What advice do you wish you had received as a high school graduate?