Rosemary Tincture

Small jar filled with chopped rosemary and whiskey sits on a wooden cutting board in front of a bottle of Maryland Club whiskey and a brick wall.
Rosemary is the most best, and you can, too!

Oh, nothing to see here. Just whipping up some rosemary tincture.

It’s easy: take lots of fresh rosemary (enough to pack the vessel of your choice – I used a squatty 1/2 pint jar), chop roughly, pack said vessel, and cover with booze that is at least 80 proof (I used 95 proof Maryland Club whiskey because YAY, MARYLAND, and also it’s what I had to use up).

Place cap on vessel and store in dark, quiet place. Intrude every other day or so to give it a shake.

Do this for two to four weeks. Then you could strain the tincture and repeat with more fresh rosemary for a sort-of-cheating double tincture, or you could strain and store forever in a dark glass bottle, preferably with a dropper.

So what the hell is rosemary tincture good for? Besides this delicious cocktail from the effervescent Jane Danger?

Uses up fresh rosemary that would otherwise go to waste, eases headache and indigestion, has antioxidant properties, enhances memory, may fight cancer, and is an antioxidant.

Your dose may vary. Some people say that for headache, take a full dropper (or a teaspoon), wait 30 minutes, and repeat if you still have a headache.

Yes, pregnant women can take this, but as always, use your brainpan and check with your doctor if you aren’t sure about taking herbal tinctures, especially the kind you made yourself.

I am looking forward to building more of an herbal medicine chest this year. Any suggestions?

And Still Life Goes On

Lovemaking, circa Pandemic 2020.

It’s Monday, and I am taking a breaking between laundry detergent delivery and a FaceTime conversation that was a little fraught.

My day job is a freelance writer, and this morning I got back to what I refer to as my mercenary writing (the stuff I actually get paid for). It’s time; a few deadlines for April are approaching, and I like to get my stuff in a couple of weeks (at least) ahead of time.

Today’s first topic was 2,000 words on testicular pain, and this afternoon’s topic is breast pain.

I could not figure out a way to work this in to the actual article, but I have decided to open a new sports bar after Pandemic 2020 and call it The Twisted Testicle (TM). Then I will coin phrases like, “Don’t get your testicles in a twist,” which is quite a bit more serious than panties in a wad and so forth.

And then I submitted the first article to my editor and realized how strange it is to be writing anything about anything except COVID.

And then I realized that what we might need now more than ever is anything about anything EXCEPT for COVID.

Or not. I guess we all deal with things differently.

When I log on to the Netflix or the Hulu or the Amazon at night, I am looking for frothy, stupid comedy or cooking shows that stop just short of making me feel like a total moron, but the movie Outbreak was #9 across the country when Khristian Weeks and I watched it last Thursday, so it seems I might be one of the few who functions that way.

I haven’t checked lately, but I would be willing to bet that apocalypse programming is doing pretty well, even this week as Baltimore stops justshort of a shelter-in-place order to help save idiots (and their families) from themselves.

So what to do, how to think, how to feel, what to watch? How strange is it write about breast and testicular pain, except that there are still people with painful boobs and balls, and they need information, too, right?

This blog is the mental ramble that rainy cold weather prevented me from physically taking today.

So let’s make a list: what are you watching/reading/listening to as we continue with our social distancing?

Wash Your Face In Dirty Water

Dinner of champions. In bed, by 8 pm. Beef stick not pictured.

The title is a reference to a lil’ childhood ditty that I am not sure everyone (anyone?) knows:

Teeter totter, bread and water, wash your face in dirty water.

I think one of the most challenging parts of Pandemic 2020 is the up-and-down nature of it.

How easy it is to be laughing at an episode of Seinfeld or out walking on a gorgeous day and forget for a moment what’s going on in the world before it all comes crashing back in.

Or to wake up feeling mentally/emotionally terrible, have a little boost mid-day, feel once again like shit, then fall asleep thinking that maybe things will be made clearer in the morning.

It’s like the entire world is a 15-year-old and our hormones are out of control. I’d like to see a data visualization of the posts on social media – I would be willing to bet that there is some correspondence to the general mood of the world/nation that follows this fluctuation.

That’s all. I am writing this post from bed Sunday night, eating my dinner, as pictured above, minus the beef stick that I ate because protein, people.

Many people have been fretting about what to eat, what to watch, and what to do. Here are 45 things to do that don’t involve a screen, and new movies streaming from Universal Pictures if you just want to veg for a bit (since the movie theaters are closed anyway). Monday I am going to make kumquat ice cream with almond brittle, and maybe finally recipe test two recipes I have been developing since February.

Some mornings I wake up rarin’ to go do allofthethings, and then that goes out the window and I sloth around the house for a couple hours.

How’s your up-and-down?

Someday I’ll Love by Ocean Vuong

Five Layers, 2019

This is all you need today – the sudden beauty of a simple poem.

After Frank O’Hara / After Roger Reeves

Ocean, don’t be afraid.
The end of the road is so far ahead
it is already behind us.
Don’t worry. Your father is only your father
until one of you forgets. Like how the spine
won’t remember its wings
no matter how many times our knees
kiss the pavement. Ocean,
are you listening? The most beautiful part
of your body is wherever
your mother’s shadow falls.
Here’s the house with childhood
whittled down to a single red tripwire.
Don’t worry. Just call it horizon
& you’ll never reach it.
Here’s today. Jump. I promise it’s not
a lifeboat. Here’s the man
whose arms are wide enough to gather
your leaving. & here the moment,
just after the lights go out, when you can still see
the faint torch between his legs.
How you use it again & again
to find your own hands.
You asked for a second chance
& are given a mouth to empty into.
Don’t be afraid, the gunfire
is only the sound of people
trying to live a little longer. Ocean. Ocean,
get up. The most beautiful part of your body
is where it’s headed. & remember,
loneliness is still time spent
with the world. Here’s
the room with everyone in it.
Your dead friends passing
through you like wind
through a wind chime. Here’s a desk
with the gimp leg & a brick
to make it last. Yes, here’s a room
so warm & blood-close,
I swear, you will wake—
& mistake these walls
for skin.

Suddenly Homeschooling? Don’t Panic

Suzannah and Sicily Kolbeck sitting inside their unfinished tiny house with pine walls. Their text explains how they experienced the building of the house from their perspective. Suzannah believes the house represents their persistence, and Sicily appreciates the fact that she has built the house herself.
Sicily and I sitting in the house she designed and we built together as her school project. School doesn’t need to look like “school.” Links in this caption tell the story behind the picture.

You may not know this, Reader, but I was a public school teacher for ten years before starting and running my own non-profit, fully accredited project-based school on a five acre mini-farm in suburban Georgia.

The school was a lot like homeschooling in the sense that The Child and I padded down the hall to the living room four days a week and welcomed paying students into our house to work on designing and building projects that ranged from a go-cart to a tiny house (above) to a hydroponic greenhouse to a chicken coop (with a DIY-incubator that hatched exactly one rooster – but it worked).

So here’s today’s message, aimed squarely at those who suddenly find themselves at home with grade-school kid(s) who are confronted with the sudden “freedom” that doesn’t feel free and a caregiver who is nothing like their regular teacher and not normally the academic boss of them:

DO NOT TRY TO RE-CREATE SCHOOL AT HOME.

This is crucial for several reasons. First, you have no idea what you are doing. It’s ok. Teaching is an art and a skill and requires training to do for 30 kids in a classroom. That’s how the majority of us experienced school, and so we would naturally think that our kids need this at home also, but they totally don’t and will resist. They may find it fun or mildly amusing for a bit, but we are in this for the rest of the school year (at least), so you might as well just throw that particular bathwater out right now.

So what the hell are you supposed to do, especially if you are also working at home for the first time, and you already want to strangle your miserable children?

Breathe. That’s the first step.

Next, if your kids are old enough, sit down with them and see if you can come up with a loose schedule of sorts. Think about what your non-negotiables are (e.g., set conference calls or meetings that require your full attention and silence), ask them for theirs, and see what you come up with. Maybe they negotiate some daily screen time that can occur at this time, or perhaps you have readers who can use this as set, daily reading.

Your schedule does not have to look like anyone else’s. Maybe you have kids who like to stay up late and sleep in. Why would you try to wake them at their normal school time? Give yourself permission to abandon that daily struggle. You can use this time to do work that requires peace and quiet. Learn your family’s rhythm, and follow it.

And what should you teach?

In my personal opinion, probably 80% of what your kid’s teachers sent home is garbage. That’s not the teachers’ fault. It’s just that you cannot replace such a connected practice as teaching with a worksheet or online course. The only subject I would say to follow if at all possible is math. This is also negotiable, and math is everywhere.

Take this time as an opportunity for your kids to really explore something they are interested in. Have a conversation about what they love and let them go full HAM. How many times have you had to pry your kid away from something (other than a screen) so you could leave the house? Maybe it’s drawing, building with LEGO, music, juggling a soccer ball. Whatever it is, DIVE DEEP. Let them explore, and then let them tell you what they know.

Otherwise? Read. Read out loud, to each other, and talk about what you’ve read. Read comic books, novels, non-fiction, magazines, the back of cereal boxes. Read plays out loud, as they are meant to be read, or let your kids write their own and read those out loud.

Kids can’t read yet? Let them illustrate a story, dictate it to you, and then you read it to them.

Don’t worry about sight words, phonics, worksheets, spelling tests.

Throw out comprehension worksheets and ask them questions about what they have read that you actually want to know the answer to. Have them point out what made them think their thoughts about the reading. Let them write alternative endings, fan fiction.

Have your kids write letters to family members currently in quarantine or just far away. Let them start a journal or design a blog, or both. Consider adding morning pages to your routine (modify the suggested number of pages as needed, of course).

As much as possible, involve your kids in your daily activities. Teach them how to cook and bake (baking is real chemistry, BTW), or learn with them if you are clueless in the kitchen.

If you have projects around the house, let your kids help. Who cares if it takes longer? Where are you going? NOWHERE, friends. You are going NOWHERE.

So slow down, live into where you are RIGHT NOW.

Finally, don’t ignore your health. We may be getting close to a time where we find ourselves actually confined to our houses (or maybe you are already there). There are a variety of practices that can keep you connected to your body and ease your mind during this time.

Breathing practice, mindfulness, yoga: all of these are research-backed practices to improve physical health, relieve chronic pain, and ease the anxiety and depression that may be welling up. These practices are accessible to everyone of every age, and you do not need any special props or gear. Use books, pillows, blankets, and straps as yoga props.

Shameless plug: the studio where I teach yoga (Yoga Tree in Baltimore) is offering classes online, at an introductory price of $39 for two weeks. Sure, you could get yoga free online, but if you want to support a small business and practice with me online, check it out. My first class is tomorrow night – Sunday the 22nd – from 5:30 – 6:45.

Bottom line: your kids don’t need you to be their teacher.

They need you to be connected, present, and healthy.

You can do it. If you take the time to slow down and figure out first what makes sense for your family instead of forcing something that just doesn’t work, you will be surprised by what everyone learns.

If you are a parent, what has helped in these early stages of our new normal? Please comment below or on Instagram @charmcityedibles.