A bit blurry. I know. But hilarious nonetheless and a good image for today’s writing,#HeresMyButt
Stay-at-home/shelter-in-place, day one, and I have already gone out to go feed my cat.
This is the week that KWeeks and I are together; on alternating weeks, he is with his daughter. I have abandoned my kitty to stay with Khristian but go home daily to feed him wet food, love on him, remind him I will be home soon.
There were still cars on the road, but not many. There were still people walking around, but not many, and usually alone or in groups of two, close together so you can know that they live in the same household.
What there was a lot of, unusually for Hampden, was police cars. I passed five in the mile-and-a-half drive to my house. It’s not tanks down the streets, but it feels close to that.
This seems fitting, this sense of lowering doom, as this will be the last week that Khristian and I spend together for who knows how long. The perils of joint custody, I suppose, with me as the casualty.
Woe is me, right? I wonder how many other people are struggling with this and not saying anything. Divorced people who share custody of children but cannot bring themselves to be kind enough to fully disclose what happens in their houses, placing the kids, the custodial parents, and their partners at risk.
It’s situations like this that make me believe that we will not, in fact, come out any better on the other side of this. Even when it comes to endangering another person’s life -whether you like them or not – there are still people so wrapped up in their own bullshit and power struggle that they cannot see what is best. They cannot rise above their ego to consider other people.
Here’s a thought: if you are normally a total selfish dick, maybe now is the time to step back and take a look at that behavior. Maybe now is a good time to let go of your vitriolic hatred. Maybe you could stop doing things that intentionally hurt others. Maybe you could soften just a little and recognize that things could be so much easier if you just let that shit go.
So. What are you learning to let go of? What are you still clinging to? And how is that working out for you?
Sicily and I sitting in the house she designed and we built together as her school project. School doesn’t need to look like “school.”Links in this caption tell the story behind the picture.
The school was a lot like homeschooling in the sense that The Child and I padded down the hall to the living room four days a week and welcomed paying students into our house to work on designing and building projects that ranged from a go-cart to a tiny house (above) to a hydroponic greenhouse to a chicken coop (with a DIY-incubator that hatched exactly one rooster – but it worked).
So here’s today’s message, aimed squarely at those who suddenly find themselves at home with grade-school kid(s) who are confronted with the sudden “freedom” that doesn’t feel free and a caregiver who is nothing like their regular teacher and not normally the academic boss of them:
DO NOT TRY TO RE-CREATE SCHOOL AT HOME.
This is crucial for several reasons. First, you have no idea what you are doing. It’s ok. Teaching is an art and a skill and requires training to do for 30 kids in a classroom. That’s how the majority of us experienced school, and so we would naturally think that our kids need this at home also, but they totally don’t and will resist. They may find it fun or mildly amusing for a bit, but we are in this for the rest of the school year (at least), so you might as well just throw that particular bathwater out right now.
So what the hell are you supposed to do, especially if you are also working at home for the first time, and you already want to strangle your miserable children?
Breathe. That’s the first step.
Next, if your kids are old enough, sit down with them and see if you can come up with a loose schedule of sorts. Think about what your non-negotiables are (e.g., set conference calls or meetings that require your full attention and silence), ask them for theirs, and see what you come up with. Maybe they negotiate some daily screen time that can occur at this time, or perhaps you have readers who can use this as set, daily reading.
Your schedule does not have to look like anyone else’s. Maybe you have kids who like to stay up late and sleep in. Why would you try to wake them at their normal school time? Give yourself permission to abandon that daily struggle. You can use this time to do work that requires peace and quiet. Learn your family’s rhythm, and follow it.
And what should you teach?
In my personal opinion, probably 80% of what your kid’s teachers sent home is garbage. That’s not the teachers’ fault. It’s just that you cannot replace such a connected practice as teaching with a worksheet or online course. The only subject I would say to follow if at all possible is math. This is also negotiable, and math is everywhere.
Take this time as an opportunity for your kids to really explore something they are interested in. Have a conversation about what they love and let them go full HAM. How many times have you had to pry your kid away from something (other than a screen) so you could leave the house? Maybe it’s drawing, building with LEGO, music, juggling a soccer ball. Whatever it is, DIVE DEEP. Let them explore, and then let them tell you what they know.
Otherwise? Read. Read out loud, to each other, and talk about what you’ve read. Read comic books, novels, non-fiction, magazines, the back of cereal boxes. Read plays out loud, as they are meant to be read, or let your kids write their own and read those out loud.
Kids can’t read yet? Let them illustrate a story, dictate it to you, and then you read it to them.
Don’t worry about sight words, phonics, worksheets, spelling tests.
Throw out comprehension worksheets and ask them questions about what they have read that you actually want to know the answer to. Have them point out what made them think their thoughts about the reading. Let them write alternative endings, fan fiction.
Have your kids write letters to family members currently in quarantine or just far away. Let them start a journal or design a blog, or both. Consider adding morning pages to your routine (modify the suggested number of pages as needed, of course).
As much as possible, involve your kids in your daily activities. Teach them how to cook and bake (baking is real chemistry, BTW), or learn with them if you are clueless in the kitchen.
If you have projects around the house, let your kids help. Who cares if it takes longer? Where are you going? NOWHERE, friends. You are going NOWHERE.
So slow down, live into where you are RIGHT NOW.
Finally, don’t ignore your health. We may be getting close to a time where we find ourselves actually confined to our houses (or maybe you are already there). There are a variety of practices that can keep you connected to your body and ease your mind during this time.
Shameless plug: the studio where I teach yoga (Yoga Tree in Baltimore) is offering classes online, at an introductory price of $39 for two weeks. Sure, you could get yoga free online, but if you want to support a small business and practice with me online, check it out. My first class is tomorrow night – Sunday the 22nd – from 5:30 – 6:45.
Bottom line: your kids don’t need you to be their teacher.
They need you to be connected, present, and healthy.
You can do it. If you take the time to slow down and figure out first what makes sense for your family instead of forcing something that just doesn’t work, you will be surprised by what everyone learns.
If you are a parent, what has helped in these early stages of our new normal? Please comment below or on Instagram @charmcityedibles.
