Let’s face it: Mother’s Day can be problematic. It posits an idyllic relationship where none (or a difficult one) might exist. It pits women against each other in subtle ways (childless? GASP. You must be selfish. Same goes for those women who only have one child. Women with many children are consuming too many resources. Breastfeeding? If you don’t you’re a failure. Disposable diapers are for wasteful mothers who don’t care about the environment. If you don’t make your own baby food you obviously don’t care. Go back to work. Stay home. Do both. Miscarriage? When will you try again? Don’t wait. Too late. And so on).

Here is to everything that is difficult, sacred, horrible, joyous, and beautiful about mothers. Here’s to lifting mothers up; here’s to letting women choose to not be mothers. Here’s to making peace with our mothers and their mothering; here’s to finding people who nurture us every day, mothers or no.

Finally, here’s to the bad mothers. Now, read that like Samuel L. Jackson said it. That’s what I mean.

To the “Bad” Mothers

To the “bad” mothers
Mothers who are told plenty often
all the ways they ruined
everyone’s lives
To the mamas
who kept their kids
worked double shifts
set boundaries
couldn’t buy name brands
didn’t get an X-box
to be told they are bitches
To the moms who had
their kids taken from them
maybe it was the best thing
maybe it was a racist system
set up against them
maybe they were taken away
by drugs or prison
but they tried, they really tried
and every day they think
of what they lost
and hope their child is
better off
To the mothers who gave up
sent their kids away
at birth or after they tried
their very best
either way worried they
would fuck their kids up
more than abandoning them would
who believed someone better
would pick up the pieces
and give everything they
could not
To the “evil” stepmothers
and adoptive mothers
and foster mothers
who will never be enough
because they aren’t
“real”
and can’t explain why the real ones
can’t be there instead
To all the bad mothers out there
who ruin lives
by trying to love
the only way they know how
who save lives without credit
by loving what others
couldn’t be bothered to try
who are just trying to live
themselves
who never get a Mother’s Day card
Today is your day too
every day you are still
a mother
and there are no
perfect mothers