The first year we moved into the house on 35th street, I was completely unprepared for Halloween. Our neighborhood gets between 500 and 700 trick-or-treaters annually, children who come in from other neighborhoods that are not safe to trick-or-treat in or whose neighbors lack the disposable income for bags of candy.

I am 100% here for it. It feels like a warm and loving community when people from across the city visit and chat. It’s a chance to connect with each other, even briefly, and the costumes are often spectacular.

Some neighbors complain about the kids “invading” the neighborhood, but that’s low-key racist and a little too “You kids get off my lawn!” even for me.

That first year, though, I was determined to make a good impression on my neighbors, so I whipped up a batch of caramel apple jello shots and passed them around before the onslaught of costumed ghoulies took over the street.

Instant hit. They taste exactly like caramel apples, they act as a little snack, and they are boozier than it seems like they would be. My neighbors were in awe, and I realized about five minutes in that I should have quadrupled the batch.

Use a melon baller to make these caramel apple jello shots that are deliciously boozed with butterscotch Schnapps (or caramel vodka, as you prefer). I still have some lying around from a caramel apple martini binge, but for the record, you could also buy a smaller bottle so that you won’t have years of the sweet, syrupy stuff lying around.

This year my porch light will be dark. The trick-or-treaters will still come, and I feel badly that I won’t have treats for them, but it’s just not a prudent idea. I would prefer that all of the goblins and fairies (and their parents) are around next year for treats, so I am just going to beg off. COVID can’t last forever.

Grab your ingredients, vote, for fuck’s sake, and give these a try.

Caramel Apple Jello Shots

100% not my recipe. I am copying and pasting verbatim, with links above and here to the original recipe. Why mess with perfection?

Ingredients

6 -8 Granny Smith apples
1⁄2 cup whole milk
1⁄2 cup cold water
1 (3/4 ounce) envelope hot chocolate powder (WITHOUT marshmallows)
1 (1/4 ounce) envelope of Knox unflavored gelatin
1⁄4 cup granulated sugar
2 -4 drops yellow food coloring
1⁄2 cup butterscotch schnapps (your favorite brand) or 1/2 cup caramel vodka (I use Smirnoff Kissed Caramel vodka)
1⁄4 cup lemon juice (to prevent browning of apples)

Method

In a medium saucepan, whisk together the cold water and hot chocolate envelope until no clumps are visible. DO NOT heat yet.

Once mixed thoroughly, sprinkle the envelope of Knox gelatin over the top and LET IT SIT, DO NOT STIR, for 2 minutes.

Turn your stovetop burner to a medium-low setting and completely mix in the gelatin, then add the milk and sugar. Slowly bring the mixture to a low simmer for a few minutes just until the sugar is dissolved. At this point, you can start adding the food coloring to the color you like (edited to add: food coloring is not strictly necessary).

Remove the pan from the heat and let sit until room temperature. Meanwhile, place lemon juice in a small bowl (I only use approx 1/4 cup), and prep the apples by slicing each in half from stem to bottom (do not peel).

Using the smaller end of a melon scoop (if you have the size option), carefully hollow out the inside of the apples, to where you only have approx 1/4 ” outer shell, being careful not to get too close to the outer peel. After carving each apple, dip the hollowed halves in a dish of lemon juice to coat the rim of the apples to prevent browning (you will not taste it). Place each hollowed-out half in muffin tins.

Once the mixture is just warm, you can now stir in the butterscotch Schnapps or caramel vodka. Either will work and there are many brands of both available. Mix well.

Pour enough jello mixture into each hollowed apple shell, being sure that they are level in the muffin tins. Fill to the tops of each. Place in the fridge for a minimum of 4 hours (I have even made them the night before I take them somewhere, without slicing the wedges, and just trimmed the rim of the halved apples if they had browned).

Once set, remove apples from muffin tins and slice each half into 3-4 wedges (depending on the size of your apples). Plate them on whatever tray you plan to serve on and return, loosely covered, to the fridge. (TIP: It is best to cut them just before serving since the freshly cut edges will brown).

Recipe Notes

Make these vegan by using nut milk (almond or cashew) and vegan hot chocolate.

Make these non-alcoholic by using caramel apple hot chocolate. I have only ever seen this delightfulness in single-servings, but perhaps on the interwebs there exists a large container.

Don’t feel like buying a specialized, gross bottle of Schnapps or sickly-sweet vodka? Use regular vodka and caramel hot chocolate. PROBLEM SOLVED.